Finding Courage

Zach Wahls's Viral Marriage Equality Speech and His Message for LGBTQ+ Families Today

In 2011, a 19-year-old named Zach Wahls gave a speech to the Iowa legislature during the state's marriage equality battles, describing his life with two moms. It went viral, catching national attention. Wahls, now a two-term Iowa state senator running for U.S. Senate, spoke with me for the speech's 15th anniversary, looking at its impact and offering advice for parents and young people today.

Wahls was a University of Iowa student when he testified, famously asserting, "The sexual orientation of my parents has had zero effect on the content of my character." The speech gave insight into the lives of same-sex-headed families, while Wahls's eloquence and conviction (he was a high school debate champion) made the case for equality more clearly than many had heard before.

"I had no idea the impact it would have on my family, on my life, on so many other people across the country," he reflected. "I think even all these years later, it's still reverberating in ways that are sometimes hard to fully appreciate."

When he gave the speech, Wahls was studying engineering, but said he was "probably more aware of politics than your average engineering student, because at a relatively young age, I learned that politics was very interested in me and families like mine." His speech, however, was "a catalyzing moment" that "accelerated an awareness of how advocacy could have a positive impact in the world," he explained. He thus continued to work on marriage equality in Iowa and nationally. An Eagle Scout, too, he helped found and lead Scouts for Equality, the successful national campaign to end anti-LGBTQ+ discrimination in the Boy Scouts. In 2018, he won a state senate seat.

The marriage equality he helped secure had a direct impact on his life. His mom Terry has multiple sclerosis, which "did really devastating things to her physically and mentally," he noted. For her and his mom Jackie to be able to navigate the healthcare system like any other married couple, "because their relationship was recognized as valid and equal," he explained, was "a very important development for our family."

As an outgrowth of his advocacy work, too, he said, "I almost feel like I have a sibling relationship in a lot of ways with any other kids I meet who are also the children of LGBTQ parents."

His speech also connected him with his now-wife, writer Chloe Angyal, after she penned a 2011 article jokingly titled "Marry Me, Zach Wahls" for the blog Feministing, in praise of his testimony. Wahls reached out; they married in 2021 and welcomed their first child in 2024.

Now, as efforts grow in Iowa and nationally to push back on LGBTQ+ rights, including transgender rights and marriage equality, Wahls offers this advice from his experience both as someone who grew up with same-sex parents and as a parent himself. "For parents, obviously, there's a pretty innate desire to want to protect your kids and your family," he observed. He suggests "being candid about what's happening" when speaking with kids, but also assuring them "that they're not facing those dangers or those threats alone, that not only do you have a family, you have a whole community coming together to try and fight back." In the early 2000s, when marriage equality "was a very hot political topic," he shared, "I was aware of what was happening out in the world, but never thought that my parents couldn't take care of me or our family. I think that projecting that strength and commitment to defending each other, taking care of each other, is probably the thing that's ultimately the most important."

Because his parents had heeded that, he explained, when the opportunity arose to testify to the legislature, "I was safe enough and secure enough in who I was as a young adult that I could do it." To youth with LGBTQ+ parents today who also wish to speak out, he advises that the most important thing is not just to present arguments, but rather "to connect on an emotional level and on a human level" and, by emphasizing, like his speech, "the things that we have in common, not the things that make us different." At the same time, he recognizes that "advocacy isn't for everybody" and for some, "There might be other opportunities or ways to be supportive to people in the community."

Whether through advocacy or otherwise, he sees movement towards change. During his current campaign for U.S. Senate, he said, "Everywhere we go, there are more and more people who understand that the way things are in our politics is not the way that they have to be, that a better future is possible, but that it's not going to happen on its own. It is going to be the result of ordinary people doing extraordinary things."

Even though times are hard right now, he's hopeful for the future. "It won't be easy, and there are going to continue to be terrible things that are happening between now and where we're trying to get to," he explained. "But I'm sure that we're going to get there."

"I had a speech that happened to go viral at the right time, and it had a much larger impact than I would have ever thought possible," he reflected, urging others, "You never know when it might be your courage that reaches a much broader audience than you expect. I think it's always worth it to find that courage."

Dana Rudolph is the founder and publisher of Mombian (mombian.com), a two-time GLAAD Media Award-winning blog for LGBTQ+ parents, plus a searchable database of 1,900+ LGBTQ+ family books.