Billy Masters 04.16.26

"I would never have approved. She sticks out so much above the waist. She was totally wrong to play me."

- Kim Novak shares thoughts on the casting of Sydney Sweeney in her proposed biopic.


Last week, the Ohio House of Representatives passed House Bill 249, which is called the "Indecent Exposure Modernization Act". It would outlaw people from wearing clothes and makeup designated for the opposite gender. Now, of course, who is this targeting? The bill does exclude performers in a "venue", but woe be unto Gene Simmons if he tries to go to the concert hall in his KISS regalia. Or Jared Leto from throwing on a bit of guyliner. Or Adam Lambert from...well, even leaving the house! But we stress that at this point, it's not a law. If "Schoolhouse Rock" taught us nothing, we know that it's just a bill, yes it's only a bill, and it's sitting there on Ohio Capitol Hill. It's not yet a law. It can hope and pray that it will, but today it is still just a bill.

I surely hope Kristi Noem's husband isn't planning to change planes in Cleveland anytime soon. And, "change" is the operative word. The story everyone who isn't in the Cabinet is talking about is the photos of Kristi Noem's husband. If you don't know, I'll explain. Bryon Noem who is barely a looker as a guy—is dressed in some kind of leotard top stuffed with some enormous fake boobs (complete with nipples) and pink stretch pants. He's allegedly into "bimbofication" (which means exactly what you think) and has a penchant for interacting with online webcam girls. Lydia Love, who works on CamSoda, said Bryon was a submissive who paid about $25/minute. "He would try to talk more feminine. His kink was yoga pants." However, Love said it could be very frustrating because he was not very good at being submissive. With a wife like Kristi, that actually surprises me. It should be noted that in 2022, when Mrs. Noem was governor of South Dakota, she signed an anti-trans bill into law. At the time, she cited a study that over 90% of trans people are depressed. When asked about this, she said, "That makes me sad and we should figure it out." I'm kinda surprised she didn't recommend taking them outside and shooting them, but I guess she limits that punishment to four-legged creatures. BTW, when this story about her hubby broke, Kristi asked for "privacy and prayers". The words "you reap what you sow" spring to mind.

We interrupt this column to bring you a message from Scott Baio: "When my wife says that people are trolls towards her and our daughter, she's not lying. Let me be clear...it's a shame that people (especially women) tear down my daughter's prom pictures. Bailey is a natural born blonde with blue eyes, like her mother. They are both born natural blondes. Bailey highlights around her face since moving to Florida. If you watched the movie 'Courting Mom & Dad' she had to have her natural blond hair darker to 'play' my daughter. (Ironic, right). So please, stop being mean towards my daughter. Stop it!" I think the younger Baio's hair looks fine. But, who picked out that hideous prom dress? Doesn't she have any gay friends? With Chachi as her dad, I'm guessing no.

The last thing I would expect Nicole Scherzinger to do is reunite with The Pussycat Dolls. After a triumphant run in "Sunset Boulevard" on Broadway and in London—to say nothing of a handful of concerts in London, New York and Los Angeles—one expected her to be looking forward, not back. Then came word that the "Dolls" were reuniting...as a trio, consisting of Scherzinger, Kimberly Wyatt and Ashley Roberts. Wyatt explained, "The Pussycat Dolls have always been known for an ever-changing line-up." Nicole added, "After 20 years, you're like, 'Where is everybody?' But for us, it aligned." Where they were was sitting home. Original member Carmit Bachar says she was not invited. Jessica Sutta said she didn't know about a reunion until it was announced. The "PCD Forever" tour will make its only LA stop at the Outloud Music Festival, which is part of WeHo Pride.

One of the years I hosted LA Pride, we had En Vogue as our headliners—and we had the four original members (fans know members come and go from this group with alarming regularity). The ladies are touring this summer with TLC and Salt-N-Pepa, and we hear either Salt or Pepa or Spinderella had an issue with Rhona Bennett, who has been with En Vogue since 2003. But now, Rhona is suddenly out and founding member Maxine Jones was back for the first time since 2012. Everyone is saying it's all just happenstance, but I ain't buying it. Anyway, this is the trio...for now. Before you ask, I don't know if Dawn Robinson is still living in her car. I'll get back to you.

While promoting "Project Hail Mary", Ryan Gosling revealed that one of the biggest inspirations as an actor came from the daytime drama "Days of our Lives". "When Marlena, Deidre Hall, gets possessed...it was an incredible acting class." When Hall heard about this, she went online and extended an invitation. "Hi Ryan, this is an open invitation to visit the 'Days of our Lives' set. Nobody will be possessed." In record time, Gosling responded. "Deidre Hall, are you kidding me? Yes, I will be there to thank you in person for being my OG acting inspiration. It wasn't Marlon Brando in 'On the Waterfront', it wasn't DeNiro in 'Taxi Driver'. It was you. I'm not worried about the possession. I'll say a Hail Mary before I get there. I'll be fine. See you on set."

In case Deidre Hall and Ryan Gosling weren't strange bedfellows, let me direct your attention to Daniel Radcliffe, who is currently knocking 'em dead with "Every Brilliant Thing" on Broadway. Since this is a solo show (with copious amounts of audience participation), the casting of his replacement is tricky. Someone with the right set of skills was needed. Drama, comedy and improv. Naturally, the first person who came to mind was...Mariska Hargitay! This will mark Hargitay's Broadway debut. It should be noted that her mom, Jayne Mansfield, made her Broadway debut in 1955 at the tender young age of 22. When Mariska takes over on May 26th, she'll be 62.

I can't imagine anyone having a problem being bedfellows with Tyler Hanes (I will save my history with him for the book). The Hallmark hunk is headed back to the stage, but admittedly further off Broadway than his previous endeavors. This latest venture just began previews at the Marriott Theatre outside of Chicago. He's taking on the role of Elvis Presley in what is being termed as a "bio-musical". "Heartbreak Hotel" focuses on Presley's life just before his 1968 comeback and includes about forty Elvis hits. Hanes as sexy Elvis? Sign me up! The show runs through May 31st. Get details and tickets at MarriottTheatre.com.

I suppose it was an inevitability, but an off-Broadway production has been announced called "Heated Rivalry: The Unauthorized Musical Parody". It got my attention because one of our favorites is taking on the role of Ilya—Jay Armstrong Johnson. As Shane, we have Jimin Moon, who I am not familiar with, but they both look hot in the photos. I'm told one of the highlights is a quasi-Greek chorus extolling the virtues of "gay hockey players with big butts". For the record, I've always enjoyed every inch of JAJ, but never thought of his ass as particularly large. Given his notable appearances in "Broadway Bares", you can check him out on BillyMasters.com. The musical opens on May 12th at the 5th Floor Theatre. More details can be found on HeatedRivalryParody.com.

Time for yet another almost predictable "Ask Billy" question. Gerry in Los Angeles writes, "I keep hearing about some film Connor Storrie made about his ass. What do you know about it?"

Well, I wouldn't say it's about his ass, but it surely figures prominently in this endeavor. It's called "Look Behind You". Get it? Behind? Anyway, it's directed by Nia DaCosta, who was Connor's "date" at the Oscars. It was released by Verizon—stay with me, I'll explain. The four-and-a-half-minute short opens with Storrie, playing himself, arriving alone at a secluded home (dare I say, a cottage). He uses his Verizon phone to unlock the door. Suddenly we hear a crash of music, and he runs to turn off the stereo. Then the alarm goes off. He checks the doors to make sure they're locked. Suddenly the landline rings—but nobody's there. The lights go on outside, and he hears the automation say the doors are unlocking. He checks his phone to find a text message saying, "I'm coming for you" and then "I'm here." He approaches the door and...well, just watch it on BillyMasters.com.

When we're bringing you Connor's crack and Jay's johnson, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Like our subjects, this column was overstuffed and long. You can always get more by checking out BillyMasters.com—the site that never scrimps on size. For your more personal needs, just do what Tyler did when he was just a tyke. Drop a note to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Kristi's husband competes on "RuPaul's Drag Race". So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.